My Runaway
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Both trying to find our place in the sun...lived in the shadows but doesn't everyone. No, not everyone lives in the shadows of others. But it was this way for Remus. Watch as he recalls the day he almost lost more than just her. quote from the song W


**My Runaway**

Remus Lupin stared down at a faded photo. It had to be at least twenty years old. His sad eyes roamed over the young girl's pleasant smile and warm eyes, green as emeralds. She seemed so carefree and happy. At the time the photo had been taken she had been just that. She had been the object of his best friend's constant affection. But he never knew that Remus possessed feelings for her. The weary wizard had sat back time and time again as he watched James try to win her over. There was a part of him that was elated when they had gotten married and when Lily had given birth to their son, The Boy Who Lived. But there was another part, a darker, more secretive piece of him that was bitter towards James. He was jealous that his friend had won over the lighthearted Gryffindor and he, the outcast, had been left in the cold. Only one other person had known his feelings about Lily Evans and ironically that was Lily.

"We could have been so much together," he whispered to the discolored picture.

The image of 16-year-old Lily stared up at the disheveled-looking man with concern. Slowly, she tucked a strand of strawberry hair behind her left ear and leaned back on the grassy knoll behind her. Her expression seemed to mirror the sadness that Remus felt had begun to rise in his chest. His mind pulled him back to the day when he had confessed everything to her. It was a day that brought happiness and pain all in one. 

"Oi Evans! Come here a minute," James called out to the redhead as she passed by.

James and his friends were sitting beneath their favorite tree on the school grounds. Its position near the lake allowed them to survey the grounds in its near entirety. Lily turned with a small shake of her head as she walked in the direction that James had called from.

"What is it?" she questioned, one hand on her hip, the other resting at her side.

"You sure you won't go out with me?" James asked, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling foolishly.

"For the last time James Potter. I don't fancy you," Lily snapped and promptly stalked away.

"Prong, you'll get her next time," a sixteen-year-old Sirius muttered with a grin.

Remus stared after Lily with longing eyes. He often felt bad for her having to fight off James's constant affections. If only he could show her what James could not. She and Remus had been prefects together since the previous year and had gotten to know one another. They had in fact become rather good friends. She would come to him and rant about James. He would listen and only that. He could not stab his friend in the back by talking about him behind his back. That night, as he ate his meal, his mind raced about with hundreds of thoughts.

"Remus, pass the potatoes would you mate? Before Sirius starts mistaking my arm for them," James said with a chortle as Sirius hit him squarely on the shoulder.

"Moony! Hey you in there?" James snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face.

"Hmm?" the werewolf sighed, gazing at his friend with a confused look.

"Padfoot wants the potatoes," Sirius muttered, oddly referring to himself in the third person.

Remus pushed them in the Anamagus's direction as he made to stand up. His three closest friends stared at him as he began walking away from the table.

"I have to study," Remus muttered as he passed them.

Remus headed for the prefect bathroom located closest to Gryffindor Tower. A single tear slid down his weatherworn cheek as he closed the door behind him. He quietly turned the manual latch, securing the premises. He silently made his way to the window, gazing out at the evening sky. A three-quarter moon shone dully against the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. Anxiety and fear whirred about his every thought. It would be a full moon the following night. But he would not have to face it. Not this time. He took a step backwards and turned away from the gaping opening in the wall. He reached up and opened one of the mirrors to find a Gryffindor scarf bunched up about a slender object. He smiled inwardly to himself as he reached a shaky hand in to grasp the red and gold accessory. In an almost pain-staking manner, he unwound the soft material to reveal a slender knife. The handle glinted gold in the pale moonlight while the blade sparkled with an unnaturally silver sheen.

"This is it Remus. It's all over. Just once and you'll be happy," he breathed to himself as tears flowed freely from his dark eyes.

Slowly, as if in slow motion, he brought the blade down on his stomach, whimpering softly as the blade severed through flesh and embedded itself in muscle. He collapsed to the floor, watching as blood oozed from around the protruding handle. He knew it was just a matter of time before his body reacted to the silver-plating on the blade. He laid his head on the cold stone floor and waited. 

"Remus? Remus!" Lily cried as she entered the bathroom.

The key to the room dropped to the floor as her legs gave out. She had walked in to find Remus unconscious, a knife in his gut. Tears had begun streaming down her pale cheeks. In a flash, she pulled her wand from within her robes and pulled the weapon from its untimely sheath.

"Permissum res exsisto servo ex nex," she said with a swish of her wand.

Immediately, his body was rid of any poisons, in this case the silver that had begun settling in his bloodstream.

"Regui Suo," she stated next and watched as the blood stopped flowing from the wound and began to knit itself back together.

Lily sat behind her fallen friend and pulled his head into her lap as she began to stroke his hair. After twenty fearful minutes, the sixteen-year-old came to and gazed up at the redhead in dismay and confusion. He tried to sit but found that his abdomen protested rather strongly against it.

"Remus what happened? Did someone attack you?" she queried softly, still stroking his light brown locks.

"No. I-I can't Lily. You'll think me a coward," Remus stated firmly, fighting back tears all the while.

"Remus Lupin I will certainly not think you are a coward. Now what is going on?" Lily demanded, glaring at the werewolf with her fiery emerald gaze.

"I…I love you Lily…but I just…I can't go on living like you don't matter to me," Remus began, pausing to compose himself.

"Oh Remus," Lily breathed as she took in what he'd said.

"Please Lily let me finish. I've sat back and watched James try to win you over and it's hurt me, a lot. I tried to get out of it, all the pain. But please, just give him a chance. He's not a bad guy and he really does care about you," Remus continued amid several choking sobs.

"I don't---," the strawberry-haired teen mumbled but was stayed by her friend's finger coming to rest on her lips.

"I love you Lily and I always will but please. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. There is too much danger---," Remus protested but was cut off as Lily firmly placed her lips against his.

He closed his eyes and took in every detail of the moment with his other senses. He could feel her hand move from his hair to his cheek. It seemed as though it would never end. And then it did. She slowly pulled away and gazed down at him lovingly.

"Remus, now it's your turn to listen to me. I care about you too…and if it will make you happy, then I'll give James a chance," Lily replied solemnly.

"It sickens my heart to think that I'll lose you…but there is nothing I can do…we could be so much together but the fates have decided otherwise," Remus responded rather prophetically.

"Alright. Here let me help you," Lily said, extending a hand to him in order to hoist him from the cold stone floor.

They both stared at the pool of dried blood on the floor and both teens began to snicker softly. The thought that they had just kissed while Remus had been somewhat submerged in a pool of his own blood was for some unknown reason rather humorous and both were glad to lighten the situation.

"Remus I just want you to promise me one thing," Lily begged as they cleaned up the mess.

"Yes?" her companion replied.

"Don't ever do that again!" she shouted as she clipped him in the back the head.

"I promise," the heartbroken male whispered as he hugged his friend tightly before they headed back to Gryffindor Tower. 

Remus shuddered as his mind came back to reality. That fateful night has almost cost him his life. He had been ready to let it all go, to abandon life and those around him. Truthfully, he hadn't seen it as taking the easy way out. It had been more of an escape from himself and from the pain he consciously knew he caused his friends and family. But more importantly, he'd lost the girl who would forever hold his heart. He had given her even when she was not his to give and she had done as he'd asked. To this day, he held a special place in his heart for that girl, that woman who comforted him when the world seemed to overshadow him.

"My sweet little runaway," he mused as he slid the aged photograph back into the album where he'd taken it from.

"My runaway and my savior," he sighed as he cast his eyes to the evening sky, smiling at the thought that she was always watching, always protecting.


End file.
